Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
