two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
