Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
