I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
