She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
