Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
