the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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