I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
