We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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