there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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