I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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