Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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