I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
