i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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