please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
