i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
