So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
