I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need moral support for this bender
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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