put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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