Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
