It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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