Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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