Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
