real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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