He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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