I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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