she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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