the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
