we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
