You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
