I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
