i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
