I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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