I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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