My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
