im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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