I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
