i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
