Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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