dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
