Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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