evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
