my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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