marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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