evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
