I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
