he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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