Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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