My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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