Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
