Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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