Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
