is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
