im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
