Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
