Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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