he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All the doctor said was why
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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