Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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